I was talking with my husband the other day about this constant tension I have…on one hand I am at this place in my spiritual life where I am not yet what I want to be. Basically I am not in that flow of daily discipline of reading my bible, praying etc… there is such a HUGE difference in my attitude and perspective when I do take time to engage & invest time in a relationship with God one on one.
I guess the tension I feel is in the ethereal question- Will I ever arrive spiritually? Will I ever get to that place where I no longer struggle in my faithfulness to this relationship with God? My struggle I guess I mean “fail”- is that harsh?
I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense to anyone but me. I just needed to try to verbalize it and read what I’m feeling on virtual paper!
One thing I do know and understand is that God loves me in spite of my unfaithfulness and lack of “engaging” in this relationship with Him. However the bible speaks of being blessed, well-watered when we choose to walk in God’s paths and under His roof so to speak.
I guess it’s like marriage in one aspect…I can live with my husband under the same roof yet choose not to engage him or have any real relationship with him. If I chose to ignore him or speak to him only when I want something it would be a very one-sided and unhealthy relationship.
But when I take the time to spend quality time with him, sharing, listening and loving him it creates loving a nurturing love relationship.
Now this example falls a little short because if I really acted cold and non-communicative with my husband over time I’m sure he would stop responding. That’s where God’s amazing character and nature supercedes our own.
God doesn’t give up on me, He is always there pursuing and wanting time with me.
I haven’t arrived but I long for more of Him in my life. I need more of Him in my life.
God help me to make our relationship a main priority and take time to hear you and be with you.