In the big picture of life I have only been married for 5 short years. That’s not super long and I’m sure a lot of you have been at this marriage thing much longer than I. In five years I have learned so many things about my spouse, myself and our ways of communicating and parenting.
Here’s a few things I’ve realized in our marriage:
1. It’s ok if I’m not always right or even if my husband disagrees with me. This has and continues to be a hard one for me. We were talking about the changes in the New Gap Logo the other day. Being somewhat of a graphic designer I was adamant that the new design was ridiculous and so beginner looking. My husband said the new logo had about the same creativity that went into making the old one. He didn’t see that big of a difference. I’m sure there are some deep psycological issue as to why I get bothered when people don’t agree with me. I’ve learned and am learning that it’s ok to disagree…I need to take about 10 chill pills and let things go.
2. Focus on the positive things my husband has done.
After a long day at work my man will take the boys outside and play with them, he feeds them, and changes their diapers for me.
As a woman who leans towards perfectionism I could easily focus on what my husband didn’t do and tell him. Maybe saying “thanks babe for feeding the boys” would be better than “hey babe, why didn’t you rinse off the boys trays again.” I tell you sometimes I need a stun gun to keep from overreacting. I guess it’s a personality thing. I am so glad my husband’s super laid back.
3. Remembering to say please and thank you.
Yes, it’s easy to bark orders and ask for something without saying thank you. I have an awesome, giving and non-complaining husband but there have been times where he’ll look and me and say “are you forgetting something…..pppplease?”
4. Realize that we’re a team and my husband’s there to help.
I think as a mom staying at home with two toddlers all day that it’s easy to develop the “martyr” complex. We definitely have a noble role and cause each day that we do without a second thought. However, I’m not the first woman in the world to have to stay at home with her kids all day. I think it’s easy to have a “you owe me” attitude which wants to justify our moods, actions and attitudes.
Aaron is quick to remind me when he senses my defensiveness that we’re on the same team. He may not do things the way I do or as quickly as I would like him to do it but he’s not the enemy.
5. Remember that there is a bigger picture.
In the light of the world around us- it’s joys, hurts, pain, celebrations etc…we have to let go of the small irritations and choose to remember how blessed we are and the gifts God has given. I am so glad I have Aaron as my spouse, so glad to have my two healthy boys, family, friends and so glad to be loved by a wonderful & merciful God.